Introduction: Hey, everybody, it is a new year. Happy 2018
everyone!
How was your 2017?
I hope it was okay, in
spite of the inauguration of Donald Trump as president of the United States.
Yep, he is going to be
president for the coming year and, barring impeachment or accident or too many
Big Macs, he will be president for the next three years.
Three years! How much damage
can he do?
Well, if 2017 is any
example, a hell of a lot.
What are the
right-thinking people of the country to do?
My first action of the
year will be to offer the president some advice. Totally free advice. What a
bargain for him and the Republican Party!
I am as sure as I can
be that Trump does not read this blog. But each of us is supposed to be no more
than six people away from anyone else. So, maybe some of you know someone who
knows someone…who knows him and can get the following letter into his hands.
AN OPEN LETTER OF
ADVICE TO PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP
Dear President Trump,
Already this has
proven more difficult than I thought it would be. In what universe do those
three words go together? But, we have taken that first step, so onward…
Dear President Trump,
Wow, Donald, you have made it through your first year. A bit
less than a year ago, were elected to the highest office in the country – maybe
in the world. And you have had a lot of fun, right? But, let’s face it, being
president has had its challenges. Not quite the non-stop reality show that you
thought it would be. But you can’t quit now. Oh, my bad. You absolutely could
quit right now and that would be just fine. But, I think we all know that is
something you will not be doing. Unless you want to, of course.
All right, you are sticking it out as long as you can. In
spite of the fact that, at any given time, the majority of your country’s
citizens disapprove of you and the job you are doing, and your approval score
looks like the forecast for the DC-metro area, you will always be able t draw a
crowd of supporters. There will always be those die-hard supporters that make
up your base. Even though they are not the brightest tiki torches in the white-supremacy march,
they are very loyal. They support you no matter what whacked-out stunt you
decide to pull off, as long as you can convince them that you are making
America great again.
And that should be very easy. Let’s face it, Donald, you and
fact-checking go together like hot dogs and maple syrup. Like corn flakes and hot sauce. Like a fine
steak and catsup. Wait – disregard that last one. You get the idea.
Now, before you start defending yourself, let me say that
your alternative facts are okay. That’s right. Everybody has an overriding
talent, and yours appears to be...to put it bluntly, Mr. President…lying.
Don’t get angry and don’t deny your one real talent. I am
not writing to tell you to stop spreading horseshit with that golden tongue of
yours. I’m suggesting that you take it up a notch.
Follow my plan and you will keep your base, give the Failing New York Times and Crooked CNN
much less to complain about, and save the country a lot of money.
Here is the plan. Remember all of those promises you made on
the campaign trail? You were going to
deport all of these illegal aliens, reduce crime, add thousands of coal-related
jobs to the economy, build that wall on the country’s southern border, fix the
country’s failing infrastructure, and so many other things.
All of these things are hard. So, I am suggesting that you
just don’t have to do them. All you have to do it say that you did them. Tweet
it out or call in to Sean Hannity when he is on the air. Tell everyone that the
illegals are all gone. All of them. You put them all in boxcars, headed for
Mexico. You put all the adults on one train and the children on another, headed
for different Mexican cities, so they can all have fun finding their families. I
am sure you can get some stock footage of people being loaded into boxcars
somewhere. Announce that, with all of the illegals gone, the crime rate has
dropped to near-zero.
Announce that a million new coal-mining jobs have been added
to the economy. Just say it with a straight face. And say, “Trust me.” That
usually works. Do you really thing those folks who are here illegally are going
to hold press conferences to call you a liar?
I know it is not a very good drawing, but it is good enough.
Maybe Eric or Barron can do better. Remember, just tell them that it is an
actual photo of your big beautiful wall. Get Sarah Sanders to repeat it over
and over and your supporters will believe her and spread the word.
With all of the money you save by saying that the wall is
built, you can actually start to keep one of your promises for real – use the
money you were going to spend to build the wall and get busy fixing that
infrastructure. The reason you should do this one for real is that, well, when
the bridges start falling down and planes start crashing, some of the people
die might be some of your strongest supporters, and you don’t want that to
happen.
Sure the news media will cry foul, and the fact-checkers
will work overtime to inform the public that that you have not done these
things. They won’t be able to help themselves. Trying to publish the truth is
what they do. Don’t let them stop you. You just keep on calling them the
fake-news and your base will not listen to them.
Once all of those Crooked-Hillary supporters see that you
really aren’t a threat to the country and the world, they will get on with
other things, such a putting solar panels on their houses. They won’t approve
of you, but they won’t be quite so vocal. And your supporters will be thrilled
that you have kept so many of your promises.
So you have it. It’s a win-win situation.
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