The
Republican National Convention took place in the City of Tampa, making use of
our beautiful Tampa Convention Center, the Tampa
Bay Times Forum, and other venues. Giant barriers were erected around the
whole event, turning the RNC into a gated community. Many Tampanians — we much
prefer Tampanians or Tampans to Tampons, and I am sure you understand why — were inconvenienced by
detours and altered schedules. Many restaurateurs and other business owners who
hoped to make a little extra money off the RNC were disappointed to find their
business actually dropped below normal during that week, as convention
attendees were encouraged to remain inside their de facto compound.
However,
those of us who were not inside the walled fortress could still watch a lot of
the goings-on, courtesy of the television networks and the Internet.
The
first day was truncated to just a few minutes to open the convention and close
the session for that day. Hurricane Isaac was in the area and represented a
possible hazard to the convention.
On
the second day, another large generator of great winds was allowed to speak
before the assembled masses. I am, of course, referring to New Jersey Governor
Chris Christie, who spent a lot of time talking about himself and seemed to
almost forgot to mention the fact that somebody else was the party’s nominee
for president.
Ann
Romney did her best to humanize her husband, and to convince her audience that
the theme of the convention, “We Built It,” did not refer specifically to the
candidate, her husband. She did her best to convince everyone that, early in
their marriage, they lived in a basement apartment, with an ironing board as a
dining table, and barely avoided dumpster-diving to survive.
The
next night featured speeches by Republican Chairman Reince Preibus who has a
name that sounds like an anagram gone wrong. The letters in R. [for Rinehold] Reince Preibus can be rearranged to spell either Creepier Bruins or Crisp Beer Urine. Take your pick.
It
also featured entertainment by the Oak Ridge Boys, one of the few bands that
most of us have heard of who publically support the republicans. I suppose Ted
Nugent might have been there, but the powers that be may have been afraid he
might just shoot up the place. Or maybe he has finally come down with “Cat
Scratch Fever.” We’ll move on after all of you put away your air guitars.
Rick
Santorum came out and tried to pretend that he supported the godless,
untraliberal duo which had somehow been chosen to populate the GOP ticket.
Remember he had called Romney the “worse Republican” and indicated he should be
the last choice for nominee. The death of Santorum’s race for the nomination
brings to mind another question: Is it safe yet to Google Santorum without being grossed out? I’m not going to risk it.
Paul
Ryan is a good-looking man, with eyes like blue pools you could drown
Democratic kittens in. He delivered a speech which was filled with lots of words,
but he still managed to keep his remarks nearly 100 per cent fact-free.
The
final evening of a political convention is supposed to be the most powerful, the
most moving, the most perfectly-planned night of the convention. This was,
after all, the night that Willard Mitt Romney (a name the letters of which can
be rearranged to spell Wintry Mermaid
Toll or Randomly Twirl Item)
formally accepted his party’s nomination for President of the United States.
So, doesn’t it make sense that the item right before Romney would be solemn,
motivational, and very, very, inspiring?
As
you almost certainly know, the pre-Mitt Speaker was none other than Clint
Eastwood, who chose to exceed his time limit and interview an empty chair! This chair, which was supposed to represent
President Obama, was especially feisty. Evidently it interrupted Cling, causing
him to say things like, “what do you want me to tell Romney? I can’t tell him
to do that. I can’t tell him to do that to himself!” After nervous laughter and
applause from the party faithful, Eastwood said to the imaginary Obama, “You’re
crazy. You’re absolutely crazy. You’re getting as bad a Biden.” More nervous
laughter and applause.
Pundits
were shocked. Some members of the audience, including Ann Romney, wore forced
smiles.
I’ve
always liked Clint Eastwood. I still do. After all, he was Rowdy Yates and
Dirty Harry and that old man in Gran
Torino. But I don’t think he properly prepared for his live audition for
HBO’s next Young Comedians special.
Romney
spoke after Clint, but I don’t remember what he said. I was too busy thinking
about what Clint had said. I know that he made to mention of American troops
fighting abroad in wars started by the former president in his own party. The
entire RNC was virtually free of any reference to the American military forces
or to our Veterans. If R&R are elected, they will be the first presidential
ticket not to include a vetaran since 1932.
The
entire event seemed to me like the Republican Party trying to convince itself
that it really was happy Romney was the nominee, and that he wasn’t just the
last candidate standing after all the other potentials ran out of money or
support or were declared mentally incompetent.
The
following week was the Democratic National Convention in Charlotte. When you
have a very recent convention to study and critique, there is a pretty good
chance you will get just about everything right. And that is what the Dems did
— held a rowdy, passion-filled, joyous convention. Many good an memorable
speeches were given.
Michelle
Obama gave one of the very best First Lady or First Lady candidate speeches
ever. Joe Biden delivered one of his very best speeches ever. Not one gaffe;
not one F-bomb. At the RNC, Clint Eastwood had said, “Biden is the Intellect of
the Democratic Party.” Well, he showed that he is at least one of them, and
maybe the party’s heart and soul of the party as well.
There
had been some criticism of the Democratic Party Platform because it did not
include the name “God” in it. There were mentions of faith, but that was not
just enough for some who really don’t quite approve of the separation of church
and state. There was also a problem about the platform’s not mentioning
Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. Convention chairman Antonio Villaraigosa
called for the vote Wednesday afternoon to reinstate the omitted mentions. He
had to call for the vote three times before ruling that the vote was affirmative,
though, I have to admit, it sounded pretty close to me. There were some shouted
protests and boos from the audience when Villaraigosa determined the convention
had voted to restore the language. This may have been a move to dampen the
criticism from the Republicans, but you know that the fact that this vote had
to take place — and the way it was done — would silence only the most easily
assuaged critics. So much for a no-win situation.
Still,
it was a great convention. Obama and company had been dismayed at the
post-convention bump Romney-Ryan had gotten in the polls since their
convention. So, it was time to call in the big dogs. Or, the Big Dawg!
Bill
Clinton gave what just might have been the best speech of his life. He spoke
clearly and with just the right amount of urgency, just the right amount of
humor. He laid out honestly just how the country got in the mess that we are in
and what we were going o have to do to get out of it. He spoke to his audience
like the reasoning adults he assumed us to be. He used logic and mathematics
and lucid examples to explain exactly the path Obama has outlined for the
country will work and why the plans laid out by Romney and Ryan would fail.
Finally,
we heard from Barack Obama, who spoke, eloquently, and with passion. His
address was met with thunderous applause and renewed commitment.
Currently,
Barak Obama (the letters of which can be rearranges to spell Kenyan Muslim
Socialist — well, that’s according to Fox News; I haven’t had time to
fact-check that yet) is enjoying a lead in the poles over Romney. I would like
to think that this is the result of the speeches made and arguments put forth
during the Democratic National Convention. However, since that time a recording
has surfaced, which has a major portion of the voting public responding with
anger and disgust.
A
bartender secretly recorded a speech made my Mitt Romney during a $50,000 a
plate fundraiser. Former President Jimmy Carter’s grandson, Jimmy Carter IV,
found the video online and helped make it public.
You
have probably heard the video or parts of it. Just one quote: “There are 47 percent of the people who will vote
for the president no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with
him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who
believe that government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that
they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you name it. That
that's an entitlement. And the government should give it to them. And they will
vote for this president no matter what.”
At
this point you can find recording at: http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2012/09/watch-full-secret-video-private-romney-fundraiser
and
the full text of the recording at: http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2012/09/full-transcript-mitt-romney-secret-video
And
there is another video recording which has surfaced. This one shows a much
younger Mitt Romney, speaking when Bain Capital, Romney’s venture into vulture
capitalism was in its early stages. In this recording, Mitt Romney boasted that
his firm "harvested" the companies in which it invested to produce a
"significant profit" for Bain. Maybe it’s a good thing Romney didn’t
become a surgeon.
The
debates are coming up later tonight. Let’s see how both candidates handle these
issues. I’m making popcorn.
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